Because I've recently found myself with more time on my hands than I'd like to admit, I decided to share a few of my thoughts and feelings about the events of the past few days.
The best word I can use to describe what has happened is "miracles". This may not make a lot of sense, but let me explain.
I have been serving as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for 16 months now. It has been the most glorious, difficult, frustrating, and fulfilling months of my life. I have grown in ways I didn't know were possible and I have healed from wounds I didn't know I had. This truly is Christ's church, and if you open your heart, you can know for yourself it is true.
Throughout a mission, Satan works really hard to get you discouraged. Because this is God's work and we are His messengers, Satan will do everything in his power to stop us. He works on our lives, our families lives, and the lives of those we teach to bring us down and make us feel like we aren't good enough. He does that throughout our entire lives, but if you currently have a missionary in your life, whether it's because you are a missionary yourself, you have a missionary in your family, or you are learning from the missionaries, you are likely to face greater trials than ever before. Don't be afraid, it is just another testimant that this truly is God's work.
I broke my leg this weekend, which has been one of the greatest trials on my mission thus far. Aside from the pain is the feelings of inadequacy and failure. The feelings that I have let so many people down. I know this really isn't true, but given the hours of sitting on the couch with my leg elevated, it's really hard not to let my thoughts be pulled in that direction.
I've been battling questions of "why me?" and "what now?" and if I let myself ponder too long I get incredibly discouraged. I want more than anything to serve my Father in Heaven. I know how much He loves each of His children, and I am so grateful for the gifts He's given me, and in order to put aside the negative feelings that are swarming over me, I have taken the time to write down some miracles that I've seen in my life. They may seem silly, but these little miracles show me that God loves me.
-When I fell, two very worthy Elders were right there to give me a blessing
-After a faithfilled prayer, an operation room opened up two hours earlier than expected
-People called to see if I was okay
-My companion has experience in nursing
-Another sister happened to bring me a piece of my favorite pie
-The elders in our ward had a car to use while we couldn't drive
-I serve my mission in one of the most sacred places on earth
-The Holy Ghost really is with me and comforting me
-People truly are inspired as to what to say and how to help
-I have been able to sleep without waking up too many times during the night
-I get to stay on my mission
These are just a few miracles from the last few days, but as I started writing down the miracles I've been seeing, more and more come. It's just like what Alma says in Alma 30 in the Book of Mormon. ALL things denote there is a God. We just have to open our eyes and acknowledge those things. I love this gospel, I love my Savior. I know He gives us trials for a reason, and I know that He will be with us every step of the way if we will let Him.
